To Be Happy
by Karen Weasley
Summary: Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition. Hermione finally faces her feelings towards Harry, but will he find out, and will he return them?


**Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition: Round 1. The goal of this round was to write about another player's favorite pairing, so this one's for you, Kuro! Hope you like it! My additional prompts were: dialogue "You have about as much charm as a flobberworm," spell "Expelliarmus", and word "memory". Enjoy everyone!**

_**To Be Happy**_

"And then Harry told me that he couldn't wait for his weekend off because it lines up with our Hogsmeade trip, and he couldn't wait to see me!" Ginny finished with a squeal of happiness as several of her year mates joined in.

"You're so lucky, Ginny," one of them sighed.

"Yeah, Harry's the perfect boyfriend," another agreed.

Hermione felt her stomach clench painfully at the conversation around her. All she had been trying to do was enjoy a peaceful breakfast, but it had become torture when Ginny began recounting her boyfriend's latest letter to her friends.

"I should be getting another letter from him today," Ginny continued. "I wrote him back right away, and he _always _replies to me."

The girls broke into a chorus of giggles and sighs as Hermione fought down the feeling in her gut – she knew what would be coming next.

"How long has it been since Ron last wrote you, Hermione?" Ginny called down the table to her. "Is he coming to visit on the Hogsmeade weekend too?"

Hermione swallowed thickly. "Um…I don't know," she replied finally, forcing a smile onto her face. "He's been really busy, so I haven't heard from him in a bit."

"How long is a bit?" Ginny pressed. "I know he doesn't care about writing to me, but I figured he would at least write to you seeing as you're together."

"It-it's been about a month," Hermione admitted quietly.

"A month?!" Ginny cried. "That's not right at all…that stupid brother of mine. I'll have Harry say something for you."

"Thanks, Ginny," Hermione smiled weakly.

"Anytime!" Ginny grinned as though she had done Hermione some great favor before returning to her conversation with her friends.

Hermione sighed and prepared to leave the hall for the library – her appetite had quite deserted her – when a loud hooting filled the hall, announcing the morning mail. Ginny's friends squealed with delight as they searched the sea of owls for signs of Harry's letter.

Their volume picked up when a barn owl swooped towards Ginny with a letter tied to its leg. Ginny excitedly pulled the letter free then frowned as she noticed there were two of them. Glancing at the addresses, she tossed one onto the table before ripping into the one with her name on it. Her friends all gathered behind her and giggled as they read the letter over her shoulder.

Harry's owl picked up the discarded letter and hopped over to where Hermione sat.

"Hello Diana," Hermione whispered, lightly stroking her feathers.

Diana hooted in reply and nudged the letter closer to Hermione's hand. Hermione felt her heart leap when she saw the letter was for her. She carefully opened the letter behind a book so Ginny and her friends wouldn't see. The letter was from Harry, and Hermione smiled as she read it despite the ache that settled deeper in her heart with every word.

_Dear Hermione,_

_I hope everything has been good for you at school (I know you're probably working constantly as usual). I'm guessing this is why you haven't written to me in a while, even though I wish you would write more often. I miss being with you after everything we went through together…it feels like I'm missing an important part of me without you being around, you know?_

_Everything here is fine – training is murder, but Ron and I are surviving. Me a little more so than him, but I'm sure you expected that (he misses his seven meals a day). I keep telling him to write to you, but I'm worried he never does. How long has it been since he wrote you? I'll keep on him for you, but you know Ron._

_I hope I'll get to see you come Hogsmeade weekend! You should definitely come into the village with us so we can catch up. I think Ron will come with me…I haven't talked to him about it yet, but I'm sure he'll be glad to see you too. Can't wait to see you again!_

_Love,_

_Harry_

Hermione felt her eyes fill with tears as she finished the letter. His concern for her relationship was touching, but it wasn't the news of Ron that had her gushing.

"Did Ron finally write, Hermione?" Ginny asked excitedly. "That's great!"

"Yes…it's wonderful," Hermione replied weakly. "I-I need to get to the library. I'll see you later."

Thankfully, the girls ignored her as she hurried away from the table and up the stairs to the library. Once she was safely hidden behind shelves upon shelves of tomes, she pulled the letter from Harry out and felt the tears fall from her eyes. She was hurt, frustrated, and confused: a painful combination.

Everything had started near the end of the summer when she and Ron had gotten into yet another fight regarding her decision to return to Hogwarts. Ron wanted her to just be done with school like them, but Hermione continued to believe in the importance of education, especially in light of all the losses in the war.

"I want something normal!" Hermione had argued.

"What could be more normal than starting our lives?" Ron snapped. "Look, we're celebrities now, and we have to do what the Wizarding World expects us to do. Otherwise, they'll move on to someone else."

"And what, pray tell, are we 'supposed' to do, Ronald?" Hermione asked dryly.

"Stay together, get married, and have a bunch of kids," Ron shrugged. "I'm going to be an Auror, so you wouldn't even have to work, really. You don't have to be the smartest witch of our age anymore, so there's no point in going back to school!"

"You know what Ronald?" Hermione seethed. "You have about as much charm as a flobberworm! Get away from me, and stay away from me!"

"Fine!" Ron shouted after her. "I'll find someone prettier to have on my arm! It shouldn't be hard!"

Hermione whirled around and whipped out her wand, her restraint finally gone. She raised her wand, but…

"Expelliarmus!" Harry shouted from the door to the Burrow. Everyone froze as he walked into the yard. "Ron, get in the house before I let her hex you."

Ron stormed into the house without a backward glance, and Harry turned his now softer gaze to Hermione. "Are you alright?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Hermione asked in a high pitched voice. "He's a complete ass, but why wouldn't I be fine?"

"Mione…" Harry sighed. "You know everything he said is complete rubbish. You deserve more than just being his arm candy. You're the smartest, kindest, and prettiest witch I know."

Hermione buried her face in her arms as her memory continued to torment her with stolen moments. Harry was dating Ginny, but somehow her mind always managed to only play back the moments that left that fact out.

Technically, she and Ron were still together as Ron had apologized profusely and had refused to leave her alone until she relented and agreed to be his girlfriend once again. Truly, she had only agreed because she was in school, and Ron was far away at the Ministry where she didn't have to see him or pretend to not be angry with him. Perhaps it was because of her substandard relationship with Ron that her eyes had unwittingly turned to her other friend.

If someone had asked, Hermione wasn't sure she could have pinned an exact moment that she fell in love with Harry, she only knew that it had happened, and it was now driving her mad. She had to constantly remind herself that no matter how much his letters and comments hinted to the contrary, he was in love with Ginny.

Ginny was the one with the perfect boyfriend, Ginny was the one who got to write to him all the time, Ginny was the one who got to walk around on his arm, and Ginny was the one who would most likely walk down the aisle to him.

Hermione angrily swatted her tears away as she pulled out a fresh piece of parchment, determined to write Harry back. But, when she put quill to parchment, she couldn't seem to find the words she wanted to say. Instead, she started to write the things she wished she could say to him.

She told him how much she missed him, how lonely she felt all the time, how she wanted to slap Ginny whenever she started bragging about being with him because she doesn't deserve him, how all she really wanted in the world was to run into his arms in Hogsmeade and snog him until the end of time, and how she had been so stupid for not realizing all of this sooner.

After ten minutes of solid writing, Hermione finally pulled her quill away and massaged her hand. She sat there for a few moments breathing and fighting back more tears. She wished more than anything that she could send that letter to Harry, but she knew she didn't have the courage or the strength to face the certain rejection that would follow. Sighing, she picked up her quill again to write the response she would send to him.

"Hermione!" Ginny's voice called after fifteen minutes or so. "Where are you?"

"Back here Ginny," Hermione replied, making sure she hid her emotional letter under her safe letter.

"There you are!" Ginny sighed as she rounded the corner, Diana perched on her shoulder. "We've got class soon, and I wanted to see if you had a letter to send back with Diana."

Hermione nodded, quickly folding up the letter without looking down. "Here, thanks Ginny," she forced a smile.

"No problem!" Ginny beamed back, handing the letter to Diana. "There you go, girl. Give my love to Harry now, you hear?"

Diana hooted in reply as Hermione felt her heart contract in her chest. She watched as Diana flew out the window and silently began counting down the days until the Hogsmeade weekend.

On the day of the Hogsmeade trip, Hermione spent much more time in front of the mirror than was usual for her, but she couldn't help continuously glancing at her reflection just to be sure her make-up was in place and her hair wasn't everywhere it wasn't supposed to be. She wanted to look her best, even though she knew Harry's eyes would be solely on Ginny after all the time they had been away from each other.

As Hermione walked down the stairs towards the Entrance Hall, she suddenly felt someone seize her arm and pull her into an abandoned classroom, and she heard the door lock before she could even blink.

"Who's there?" she demanded, pulling out her wand.

"Easy, Mione, it's just me!"

"Harry?!" Hermione gasped, lowering her wand. "What on Earth were you thinking dragging me in here like that?"

"I had to see you alone before we went into Hogsmeade," Harry explained. He pulled something from his pocket and held it up for Hermione to see – her heart plummeted into her stomach. "We need to talk about this."

Harry was holding her letter, the letter she had written on a whim, the letter she had never meant to send…the letter he was never supposed to read. She must have folded it up with her other letter while trying to hide it from Ginny. Hermione gulped as she waited for Harry to say something.

"Did you mean it?" Harry asked finally. "Is all of this true?"

Hermione swallowed hard. She hated the idea of lying to his face, and how much worse could the situation get anyway, really? "Yes, Harry, I meant it," she sighed. "But I didn't mean for you to read it, I swear! I only wrote it for myself, I never meant to send it!"

"But you did, and I have read it," Harry replied simply. "And I can't un-read it, Mione, so I have to do something about it."

Hermione hung her head – she had known this was coming, but it certainly wasn't making it any easier. "Look, Harry, I know you're with Ginny and want nothing to do with me, but I can't help how I feel. I've felt this way since we were off hunting the horcruxes, but I was always too afraid to say anything to you. Ron was right – he and I were supposed to be together while you and Ginny got the fairytale ending you deserve, so don't make this any harder than it already is and just go!" She was sobbing as she finished.

"Mione, what makes you think I want to tell you to forget it?" Harry asked with a small smile. "Have you honestly not noticed how hard I've been trying to not be in love with you? I was scared too, and it was just easier to leave things the way they were, but when Ron said those things to you this summer, well…I just couldn't help it anymore. I honestly never thought this is how we would find out, but I'm not complaining."

"Wait, you love me too?" Hermione asked, barely daring to hope.

"Well, yeah," Harry admitted sheepishly. "I know I should have told you, but I never knew how, and then we were both dating other people, and I just…I don't know. Are you angry with me?"

Hermione let out a shaky laugh. "Angry? Harry…I've been dreaming of this for months now, how could I be angry with you?"

Harry's face broke into a grin as he held out his arms to her. "C'mere, Mione," he whispered, and Hermione flew into his arms, reveling in the safety and warmth she felt. "We're going to be in a lot of trouble for this, you know?" Harry muttered into her hair.

"I don't care," Hermione mumbled back. "Let them be angry. I'm tired of living to make everyone else happy. I love you, and I want to be with you. That's all that matters to me anymore."

"Good," Harry breathed. "Because I feel the same way. I've lived my whole life trying to do what everyone wanted me to, but now I just want to make you happy."

"You already have, Harry," Hermione sighed, gazing into his eyes lovingly. "You already have."


End file.
